Three Common Concerns in Adults

May is Mental Health Awareness Month which is dedicated to raising awareness about mental health issues and promoting mental well-being.

This course is a time to educate, help and support people struggling with mental health challenges. And to be honest, in a way, you can say it’s about all of us!

Having mental balance is very important for a happy life because it allows people to go through life's ups and downs with flexibility, deal with stress effectively, create healthy relationships, and experience a sense of purpose and satisfaction. When mental health is prioritised and maintained, it paves the way for overall well-being and a higher quality of life.

On the occasion of this month, in this article I decided to briefly and usefully address three issues and we can safely say they are the main concern of us humans today.

How can we make our relationships stronger and better?

There are 3 vital factors we need to improve relationships and resolve conflicts: effective communication, empathy and mutual understanding. And according to the experience that I have in my meetings with my clients or even in conversations with friends and acquaintances, the score most of us achieved in these 3 skills is below 10 out of 20! Which means failure.

Here I offer five key strategies for strengthening these skills:

1. Active Listening:

Practice active listening by paying full attention to the other person, maintaining eye contact, and empathetically acknowledging their feelings and perspectives.* Avoid interrupting when the other person speaks and focus on understanding before answering.

*Contemplate: How would one empathetically acknowledge another's feelings and point of view?

2. Open Communication:

Foster open and honest communication by expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns clearly and respectfully. Encourage the other person to do the same by creating a safe room* for conversation and understanding.

A Story: In conversation with one of my clients - let's call her "Daniel" - who was in a conflict and a lot of fights with her partner, whenever respect, honesty and a creating a safe environment were discussed, Daniel immediately became angry that her partner wouldn't show her the respect and honesty she needed. "Why should I act respectfully?" she would protest.

Contemplate: I will tell you my answer. But before you read my response, what do YOU think would be the best answer at this moment?

"Who is sitting across from me in this meeting?" I asked Daniel.

She answered: "me."

I asked "why are you here?"

She said "Because I want to improve my relationship with my partner."

I continued asking: "What does better mean to you?"

"That we can get along, and have a good life."

"Why do you want to be with him and have a better life?"

"Because I want to enjoy my life and be a happy person."

In response to her words, I said: "If you had come to me and said that I want to get out of this relationship, I would still tell you to speak with respect and honesty while doing such and such." Not because the person in front of you deserves respect and honesty, but because the way to achieve peace of mind and happiness is only through the gates of honesty and respect and creating a safe environment.

You see, life is like a Waltz dance. Actually forget the Waltz. It's Iranian dance! That is, during the dance, if you dance with each other's rhythm, the result will be exactly like the same rhythm. If you smile at the person in front of you, extend your hand to them, they will smile back and give you their hand. But if you keep looking back and forth and don't make eye contact or smile and turn your back while dancing, how can you expect your partner not to do the same to you?

Let me tell you a secret: believe me, if you "genuinely" continue to smile and behave the way you like to be treated, for a long enough time, it is impossible for your partner not to adapt your strategy. (and if this doesn't happen, I'd say it's time to think seriously about this relationship.)

We cannot train other people like how parents trains their children. But we can automatically encourage and invite them to do the same by showing our desired behaviours in our own manner.

3. Empathy and understanding:

Cultivate the power of empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes and trying to understand their feelings and experiences. Validate their feelings, even if you don't agree with their point of view, this shows that you respect and value their standpoint.

4. Conflict resolution skills:

Develop effective conflict resolution skills together, such as compromise, finding common fields and brainstorming solutions. Focus on finding mutually beneficial outcomes Instead of winning or being right.

5. Forgiveness and letting go:

Practice forgiveness and leave the past grudges or resentments behind to move forward in a positive direction. Accept the mistakes of others and your own, apologise when it's necessary, and focus on rebuilding trust and strengthening the relationship.

6. Get help from a coach:

Learn these strategies in your interactions and relationships by having a coach who can address your concerns without emotional and mental engagements.

By including these tactics and skills, you can foster understanding, trust, and harmony while effectively resolving conflicts as they arise.

What should we do with loneliness?

In contrary to what many of us have been taught, being alone is not a bad thing. What bothers us is the feeling, which we call loneliness. But not only being alone in its nature can not be annoying, it could be actually fun and enjoyable. In order not to feel alone and learn to enjoy being alone, try practicing the following:

1. Cultivating self-awareness:

Understand your feelings and thoughts about loneliness. Know that it's normal to feel lonely sometimes, but that doesn't define your worth or happiness nor your identity.

2. Engage in self-care:

Take care of your physical, emotional and mental health. Set up a schedule that includes exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and activities that bring you joy and satisfaction.

*Advice: You may jammed with work and say that you don't have time for these things. Imagine someone who you really admire or like, let's say for me it's "Jake Gyllenhaal" says I want to have lunch with you! - (Oh, my!) - would you say I can't and I have work? Or will you "MAKE TIME" for this meeting? Treat yourself as an important person in your life. Because at the end of the day, it's you and you only.

3. Communication with others:

Maintain meaningful connections with friends, family or support groups. Plan regular social activities or reach out to chat, either in person or virtually to stay connected and combat feelings of isolation.

*Advice: nowadays, having virtual meetings is very common. Don't settle for this type of communication alone. While having any kind of communication could be good, we are humans and humans need the energy of an actual physical human. (I am an introverted extrovert myself - if that's a word - I love my distance from people most of the time; BUT I also need the energy of human presence.) Do not deprive yourself of this energy.

4. Explore your interests:

Use your alone time to explore your hobbies, interests, and passions. Participate in activities that make you enjoy and promote your personal growth, creativity, and self-expression. Don't worry about not knowing anyone. Friendships are formed from not knowing anyone in the first place.

5. Practice mindfulness:

Embrace solitude as an opportunity for self-reflection, mindfulness, and inner peace. Practice meditation, deep breathing, or concentration exercises to stay present and steady in the moment. (Trust me, even when it feels silly and dumb, if you push through it, you'll see the results.)

6. Look for meaningful activities:

Engage in activities that provide a sense of purpose and fulfilment, such as volunteering, learning new skills, or pursuing personal goals and aspirations; AT ANY AGE!

Volunteering in projects that give you nothing but social interaction can be very rewarding. Try and start from the beginning with the assumption that nothing special is going to happen. Just show up.

7. Embrace Solitude:

Change your view of loneliness from a negative experience to a positive one. Use the alone time to introspect, relaxation, and enjoy your participation. Appreciate the freedom and independence that solitude can provide for you. This exercise can be very difficult and even painful at the beginning. Remember, sit with this difficult or uncomfortable feeling, observe and examine the events that happen to you with awareness and without judgement.

How do I find the love of my life?

Finding love involves a combination of self-awareness, openness to new experiences, and active engagement in social interactions. Here are some steps to help you through the process:

1. Know yourself:

Let me get this clear once and for all: You cannot form a deep relationship, without investing in yourself and knowing the different layers of your being, your dark sides, weaknesses and strengths, first. Know your values (if needed, change them!), know your interests and goals. Knowing yourself well can help you attract compatible partners and create a satisfying relationship.

2. Work on self-improvement:

Focus on personal growth and self-improvement. This includes developing your confidence, communication skills and emotional intelligence.

*A million dollar tip: One of the most important things you can do for yourself in this regard (or learn) is to control, manage and navigate your emotions and actions. As a mental health coach, I sure can help you in this.

3. Be open to opportunities:

Be open-minded and willing to explore new experiences and meet new people.* Love often comes unexpectedly, when you least expect it.

*Our minds and brains are often stuck in a judgmental position. In initial dates and meet ups, try not to be 100% sure of any of your judgments. None of us easily exposes the deep, vulnerable and meaningful layers of ourselves to others in the early stages. (And if we are wounded in the past, it could take even longer to build trust.)

4. Get involved socially:

Participate in activities and events that align with your interests. This could include joining clubs, volunteering, attending social gatherings or trying online dating platforms.

5. Communicate clearly:

When you meet someone you're interested in, talk openly and honestly about your intentions, expectations, and feelings. Please please please, do not assume that people are supposed to read between the lines! because they don't and if they do, the chances are high that they are wrong about it, and then you will get disappointed. Would you want that?

Good communication is the key to building a strong foundation in a relationship. What is the worst thing that can happen? It's most likely that this relationship will not form. At the very least, you had a coffee with someone new, and had a little chat and that's that.

*Advice: Being able to control or better say "manage" your emotions will help you here. Be careful not to leave the control of your brain and consciousness in the hands of your emotions alone, so that you can avoid painful circumstances such as "betrayal". (I have to write another article on this one.)

My friend! You are an adult, act like it. You shall meet others with sufficient and necessary awareness. Hone your skills.

6. Be patient:

Finding love takes time and it needs patience. Don't rush into a relationship and you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve. Trust the process and focus on making meaningful connections.

P.S it's a two way road by the way, if you know what I mean.

7. Compatibility Prioritisation:

Look for qualities in a partner that align with your values, lifestyle, and long-term goals. Look for compatibility in areas such as communication style, values, beliefs and life priorities.

Remember that love can appear in various ways and at different times. Be faithful to yourself, be open to new possibilities and believe that the right person will enter your life at the right time.

And finally, yes, "adulting" is not easy. Trust me, I KNOW! but at some point onwards, it's the only thing you can do to make yourself proud and happy.

If you liked this article, or have something to say, please make me happy by leaving a comment below.