Unveiling the Main Barrier to Women's Success: Cultural Shaming and Its Impact

As a professional woman navigating a career in a new country, I have come to a profound realisation about the deep-rooted self-doubt that has shadowed my journey. This revelation is both painful and enlightening, and it stems from a cultural heritage that often stifles the voices of women, particularly in male-dominant societies.

The Role of Toxic Environments

Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D., in his insightful article on shame, identifies the toxic environment as one of the primary sources of shame. A toxic environment encompasses where we grow up, the individuals we are surrounded by, and their behaviours—whether respectful or disrespectful.

The Roots of Self-Doubt

Growing up in a patriarchal society, where expressing opinions as a woman often invites ridicule and mockery from older male relatives, uncles, and family friends, plants the seeds of self-doubt early. For many immigrant women, especially those from Eastern cultures or patriarchal societies, this shaming is compounded by the challenges of adjusting to a new environment, dealing with the stigma of being an outsider, and navigating the prejudices associated with skin color and accents.

For years, I didn't fully understand why I struggled with confidence in my studies and career. Despite living in a different culture for over a decade, the internalised fear of shaming and ridicule continued to hold me back. It's a heavy burden to carry, one that shapes our decisions and actions in ways we often don't realise.

The Impact on Professional Growth

The impacts of childhood shaming are profound. Even in the absence of an external bully, we often become our own harshest critics, conditioned to hold back when there is no need. This internal judge, born from years of cultural conditioning, prevents us from realizing our true potential.

For me, the fear of being laughed at and shamed meant that I rarely took bold steps in my academic or professional life. The moments of success I have achieved were in spite of, not because of, the voice inside me that constantly urged caution and self-restraint. This internal saboteur, a legacy of my upbringing, has been a formidable adversary.

The Journey to Reclaim Confidence

Realising the roots of my self-doubt has been the first step in a challenging journey to reclaim my confidence. It's not easy to confront these deep-seated fears, but it is necessary. In my journey, I have discovered that aside from my personal experience and insights from other women in my life, my interactions with over a hundred women in coaching sessions over the past few years have reinforced this truth.

The discovery of cultural shaming of women is likely the main reason why many women find personal success more challenging than men.

I am committed to breaking the chains that have held me back and to embracing my full potential.

I feel a profound responsibility to address this issue, not just for myself, but for all those who can relate. The journey to overcoming self-doubt is painful, but it is also empowering. By sharing our stories and supporting one another, we can begin to heal and grow.

An Invitation to Share and Support

I invite anyone who has experienced similar feelings of self-doubt, fear of humiliation, and shame to share their experiences. These feelings are not limited to women or people of color. Shame is a universal emotion that affects people across all genders and cultures.

Let's create a community where we can talk openly about our struggles and support each other in breaking free from the limitations imposed by our past. Together, we can cut the chains that prevent us from enjoying our fullest potential.

In conclusion, I am here to talk about this journey and to encourage others to do the same. By confronting and overcoming our internalized fears, we can unlock the strength and confidence that has always been within us. Let’s take these steps together and inspire each other to shine brightly in our personal and professional lives.

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